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Leadership Lesson from Lyrics: Shining Through the Hard

April 22, 2024 by Amber Leave a Comment

April is flying by, which brings us closer to the “end” of the 23-24 school year. This is where most administrators are already thinking about next year, partly, hopefully, because at this point in the year…life feels easier.

Hot sports opinion: did it get easier, or did you start doing hard… better?

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Every year your tool belt gets a few more tools. We’ve become more adept at navigating complexity and adversity. As we encounter similar challenges repeatedly, we don’t necessarily find that the tasks themselves become easier. Rather, our skills, strategies, and mental frameworks for handling these situations improve.

Which ties in right nicely to these lyrics which I think have one of my favorite leadership lessons.

This week’s leadership lesson from lyrics comes from “Ours”, from way back in 2011.

Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves
They’ll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury’s out, but my choice is you
So don’t you worry your pretty, little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water’s rough…

While it can obviously be a song about a relationship, some parallels make me think about the evolution of an administrator’s mindset.

Seems like there’s always someone who disapproves, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do…

These lines sure do make me think about how universal the leadership truth of criticism being inevitable is in education. Everyone has an opinion, and the odds are high they’ve formed theirs based on what Dr. Joe Sanfelippo says, “They’re still jacked up about not getting a second chicken sandwich at lunch twenty years ago.” Self-aware leaders know that disapproval and judgments will come with the territory. Standing firm in what you believe to be best for your staff is where your integrity begins.

The jury’s out, but my choice is you.

Standing beside your team…or in front of them, as the case may be, models again what it means to lead with your team in mind. District initiatives, state testing, critical parents…these are all issues that administrators deal with. But how that trickles back down to your staff is up to you. Early on, I distinctly remember texting certain team members while in meetings, asking questions, trying to get ahead of what was being shared at the district level, and I thankfully, had a rockstar teacher who finally said, “Hey. Stop that. You’re worked up, you get us worked up. Sit, listen, and then bring it back to us to talk about. We got you.”

Y’all.

Taking care of your team means controlling the broccoli. Vegetables may not be your thing, but we all know a balanced meal should include them. YOU are the one who gets to decide how much is on your people’s plate. There is a fine line, especially right now in education, in how full our people’s plates are. Let’s not be the ones who cause it to overflow…show them that you chose them. Control what gets added to their plates. Protect their time, their energy, and above all…let them focus on the students, not administrative minutiae.

People throw rocks at things that shine.

If you’re too “extra”, too shiny…it’s easy to…well…have things thrown at you. In my VERY FIRST principal meeting, I asked someone, another principal, a question, and she said, “People pay you to speak. Why are you asking me a question?”

Ouch.

(Lesson learned. Rock thrown.)

Any disruption of the status quo can disrupt the waters. The millions of images that we see that talk about blowing out the flames of others, or finding your tribe, or how you’ll never be too much for “your” people…all are a manifestation of how hard leadership (in any capacity) can be, especially when you don’t do it the exact same way as others. The crab mentality can be real. (where when one crab might try to escape, but the others pull it back down to prevent it). I’m thankful for the ones I know can see the difference between @8amber8, and Amber the principal, or tech director, or whatever title is attached to my name.  Success…or attention, or accomplishments…is not pie. There is plenty to go around. 

The stakes are high, the water’s rough…

There is a significant responsibility that comes with leadership. In a Pinterest, Instagram happy world it sure is easy to get beat down. You feel like you don’t do enough, no one is ever happy, and lasting wins are hard to come by. I think the hardest part of being an administrator is knowing which criteria defines how good you are at what you do. Is it high test scores? Happy teachers? District support and buy-in? Happy parents? Innovative learning? Happy students? It’s very difficult to have all of those be true at the same time. Maintaining a passion and commitment in leadership can be challenging when the push and pull of external pressures threaten to dampen that drive that you started with. In 2021, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, the average tenure of principals at their schools was about four years. I can’t imagine it’s increased in the past three years.


The last line I didn’t include, but is, “This love is ours”. Do what you do, friends, the way that you do it.

LOVING what you do is the only way to make sure you can keep doing it.

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Remember, this love for what you do is what will keep you moving forward, no matter how high the stakes or how rough the waters.

 

Shining on &

 

PS: Catch the other posts in this leadership lesson series?? If not, here ya go!

Swift Lessons in Leadership through Lyrics: The Fine Line Between Honesty and Cruelty”

Leadership Lessons from Lyrics: Embracing the Anti-Hero Within

Leadership Lessons from Lyrics: You’re on Your Own, Kid…no, really. You totally are.

 

PPS: Next week, will we dive into #TTPD?? Will I derail the TSwift train and tackle other lyrical masterminds? (See what I did there?)

You’ll have to wait and see!!

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership in Chaos Tagged With: educational leadership, educational resilience, effective leadership strategies, handling adversity, Leadership Challenges, Leadership Development, personal growth, professional growth in education, resilience in administration, school administration

Leadership Lessons from Lyrics: Embracing the Anti-Hero Within

April 8, 2024 by Amber Leave a Comment

This is week two of “Leadership Lessons from Lyrics…did you see last week’s post? Loved the comments on Facebook, X, and even on IG of how it resonated with all of my leader peeps. So glad it’s not just me who feels like brutal honesty is NOT how we want to give…or receive feedback!


This week the lesson that has popped up ALL week long is from “AntiHero”, by the TSwift.

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

I’ve been replaying these lyrics in my mind all week…and it baffles me that self-awareness isn’t a cornerstone of every leadership training program out there. Team members and leaders who can openly acknowledge their own shortcomings set the example for a culture of humility and ongoing learning among their teams and colleagues. It builds an environment where it’s okay to fess up to mistakes and learn from them. However, if you’re in a place where no one seems able to admit they’ve dropped the ball, it will impact the culture, eroding trust and fostering resentment. And when things hit the fan, that reluctance to own up could seriously hinder open, honest communication.

If the expectation is that leaders should step back from the spotlight in times of success but step up in challenging times, shouldn’t this principle be practiced consistently?

Is an unwillingness to accept fault based on a lack of confidence or fear of consequence?

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Being able to acknowledge that you don’t know everything and are willing to reset, regroup, and try again is crucial in education. Every situation and student (or staff member!) is different. They are coming to the table with different experiences and therefore, a different lens.

Just because you are in charge doesn’t mean you always get it right.

When a team member consistently refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, it can diminish both trust and respect. People tend to follow leaders who are honest and transparent about their shortcomings, as it makes them more relatable and trustworthy. By openly acknowledging mistakes, you’ll model a growth mindset and resilience. This behavior encourages others to admit and learn from their errors, fostering a culture where learning from failure is not just accepted but encouraged. It demonstrates that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process, not something to be ashamed of.

Acknowledging mistakes is the first step toward correcting them and preventing similar issues in the future…which your team needs to hear.

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The phrase “I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror” suggests that while you’ll take on other people’s issues, and be willing to tackle tough challenges with others, but aren’t so willing to do so when you are the one making the mistake. Growth as a leader means you have to be willing to check in with yourself as well. I know that ego plays a part in this, and am willing to acknowledge several times that it’s gotten me tangled up as well. I think transitioning from a position where I felt confident in what I was doing to a completely different “lane” of education has allowed me quite regularly to admit that I need help and support. Balancing that with the confidence of leadership feels awfully antihero.


It’s not just about steering the ship with a steady hand; it’s also about being brave enough to admit when we’ve hit rough waters because of our own doing. This journey of self-reflection and acknowledgment isn’t just for the brave or pop singer—it’s for every leader/team member aspiring to foster an environment of trust, risk-taking, and innovation.

Here’s to embracing our inner anti-heroes, learning from our missteps, and leading with a mix of confidence and humility. Can’t wait to see where next week’s lyrics will take us!

Staring at the mirror &

Filed Under: Leadership, Leadership in Chaos Tagged With: Accountability, educational leadership, Growth Mindset, Humility in Leadership, Leadership Challenges, Leadership Development, professional development, Self-Reflection, Taylor Swift Lyrics, Team Dynamics

Swift Lessons in Leadership through Lyrics: The Fine Line Between Honesty and Cruelty”

April 1, 2024 by Amber Leave a Comment

 

Listen. I fully appreciate the middle aged-ness of myself. Truly. However, this blog is about being TRANSPARENT as well, right? Not only am I a “seasoned” leader…I also might be have watched the “Eras” tour an OBNOXIOUS amount of times since it has come out.

It’s the perfect thing to have playing in the background while I cook, clean or… scroll. And if you know me, you know I’m not that great at cooking or cleaning. (I like to think it’s ok because at least I am cute and funny…but MT says I’m not that funny. Sigh.)

Anyhoo…I’ve noticed here lately that there are some powerful lyrics that keep getting stuck in my head from Ms. Swift. And the application from them to my leadership experiences just can’t be denied, even I wanted to pretend to not be all Swift’sessed. For those who associate her with pop sugar and bouncy are in for a treat.

First up…in “All Too Well”, we have this gem:

“And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here..”

Causally cruel. In the name of being honest.

We hear, frequently, that honesty and transparency in leadership is crucial. A necessary trait. Sometimes though, that honesty can be wielded like a sword. The person swinging that sword has the force field of being right, regardless of how deep it cuts.

Not seeing how it could apply?

I’ve written a lot about #thefirstyear, and all the things as a principal I’d gotten wrong and the adjustments I made thanks to the team around me. How though, did I know, how tragically terrible it was going?

I was on my way out to a meeting when I was pulled aside by members of my “team”.  They asked me to sit in one of their offices, while the two of them broke the news. They had finally been compelled “in the name of being honest” to share information I needed to know.

The staff was unhappy. They were looking to leave. The scores and culture on the campus I’d been honored enough to be asked to lead was falling apart, because of me. Because of my leadership.

I was devastated.

But I was also confused. I managed to maintain composure and ask. Who? Who wanted to leave? What? What exactly had I done?

Well…they couldn’t tell me that. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

I vividly remember asking, “So what I am hearing is that I am a terrible principal…but you have nothing to offer in how I can get better? Or to change what I am doing?” They didn’t.

I can’t even articulate how devastating it is to not only hear that you’re a failure, but also that there wasn’t anything you could do about it. From people you thought were also on your “team”.

It was a pivotal moment in my principal’ing experience. If you’ve read this from ASCD, you know it didn’t get better right away. But, it did get better. It actually got a lot better before I left 6 years later.

I never forgot, however, how cutting that conversation was, even in all its rightness.

Telling someone they are terrible doesn’t help them get any better.

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What is the goal in “brutal honesty”? Does it set the receiver up to improve? Isn’t that the purpose of feedback? Surely it’s not just for the satisfaction of the person giving it?

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I used to tell my staff to always remember when talking to parents about a concern to always remember that the student you are so worked up over, for whatever reason, is most likely the most important thing in someone else’s world. If you go guns in blazing, no matter how right you are, you aren’t going to be heard.

You can be right all day long and lose every relationship you have.

So today’s lesson is this…worry less about being so honest, and care more about the relationship. YOu can, believe it or not, do both.

Swift singing &

Filed Under: Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: Building Relationships, Constructive Criticism, Emotional Intelligence, Honesty in Leadership, Inspirational Leadership, Leadership Development, learning from mistakes, Professional Growth, Taylor Swift, Transparency

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