Principal — Page 6

Vulnerability in Parent Teacher Conferences

October 19, 2017 by Amber Leave a Comment

An email from our amazing counselor today…

I never thought I’d feel more vulnerable than being a teacher in a parent-teacher conference until my son started kindergarten.

As the teacher, I set the tone for the meeting: warm, always with chocolate, and open – we sat in chairs without a gigantic, imposing desk between us. I wanted my parents to feel safe. I wanted them to know that, whatever the data showed, their children were loved, they were respected, and we would share the growth mindset philosophy of “yet” when we weren’t seeing the progress all parents hope to see.

As a mom, though, sitting across the kidney table from Mrs. Bott (S’s Kinder teacher), all the confidence I had as a teacher went out the window: I did not set the tone of the meeting. I did not choose the chairs, I was not the expert in the room.

Even as an educator, I walked into that classroom somewhat uneasy. We were talking about my child. I had to give in to my vulnerability and ask questions. In that moment, I knew what it meant to be truly unguarded.

And while there was no chocolate at this meeting, Mrs. Bott and I had a fantastic conversation that eased my tensions and calmed my fears. She made a space for me to be vulnerable without fear of judgment.

When we give our parents a safe space to learn how do this parenting thing alongside us, we give them hope that they are a part of a team that is growing their child.

I am so happy to work with such talented, committed educators who make this space for parents (and for me!). You are the wind beneath your students’ wings. 😉

Insert cheesy inspirational music here….

I’ve spoken often about the need to balance your leadership teams with strengths that support your weaknesses. We had the chance this year to add a counselor to our team, and I tell ya…I thank my lucky stars each day that this young lady was available when we had that opening. Hiring is one of the MOST important aspects of our admin world, and when you have the chance…find you a rockstar like our Mrs. Halpin. She sends a daily email, with a timely message…and with tonight being our “late” night for parent conferences, this one resonated with us all.

May all of your parent exchanges be vulnerable, be open, and be positively productive.

Humbled,

Amber

Avoid those educational extremes!

October 10, 2017 by Amber 3 Comments

Last week I decided I would give up carbs. It wasn’t a rash decision. It was actually well thought out, prompted in part by the massive amount of snacks I was gifted for my birthday. (Anytime 10 different people are able to buy you fritos, you know you’re in a bad snack choosing place!) I have some friends who love their keto life style, so I thought, I can handle this…high fat, low/no carb. I got this.

Day one went well.

Day two prompted my husband to question my life choices.

Day three I ate a jelly doughnut.

What I’ve learned in my third year as an administrator is the same thing I learned in my carbless adventure last week…you can’t go to the extreme in your decision and choices.

There are a variety of hot sports opinions on “how” we should be doing what we do in education. They tend to fall in the “extreme” category. It’s almost to the point where I can’t check twitter anymore because I am so easily annoyed at the “extreme” ideals of what is being shared, and how very different it is from my reality.

There are very few things that I think I would now take a hard and fast stance against in education. There’s a lot I would stand for…primarily, a focus on the individual people. The relationships. Building connections. Fostering hope. But these are not mutually exclusive against some of the other things that we hear. George Couros just referenced this conversion on FB a book he was reading for perspective, “What I notice in that in this reading it is very either/or for “kids nowadays”. ”

Why does it have to be an OR? Can’t there be an AND?

Every campus, every classroom, every child, every day.

My teen? My AP class taking teen? She knows what her PSAT, ACT, and SAT scores have to be in order to attend Texas Tech University. Taking tests like that do not compare to a hands on, no HW, no testing environment. Yes, we’ve done test prep. She hasn’t had algebra in a year…but you better believe we’re doing algebra HOMEWORK in order to prepare her for what is coming up on the PSAT. I know that she is also taking practice tests at school…are they teaching her to the test? No, but they are preparing her for what lies ahead…these scores will determine her trajectory moving forward. I NEED HER PREPPED!

What a disservice we are doing if we don’t give the help students need, vs the help we think they should be getting.

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I get that our educational system needs a re-haul. I get that we are over testing our students. but I also know that my job isn’t just to play, it’s to prepare them academically. That’s a foundation of reading, of writing, and of mathematical foundations. I can do that in a fun environment, that teaches them to love learning , but when you say things like “Just love your job and everything else will be ok.”, I find that hard to stomach. You’ve got people all across the nation who love their job…but are also working their bottoms off to give their students every possible advantage they can. They have students who are struggling, who are behind, below, every which way. They deserve to have us prepare them for their actual reality, not the one we wish they could have.

Back off the extremes, friends. Let’s do right by each kid, and whatever it takes to make that happen.

all the things,

Amber

Get the basics right..and let the rest follow! Admin goals for 17-18!

August 23, 2017 by Amber 3 Comments

Our Wolves came back to school this week.

Ain’t no tired like first week of school tired…but ya’ll. Today is Wednesday and it was SO smooth. Like kinders could handle lunch today smooth. We spent two days working on names, and hugs, and relationships. We went over the “essentials” of being at Whitt, and I know the teachers took the time to LISTEN to our students. How do I know this? Because I have spent the last three days walking around classrooms, just soaking in all of their awesome. I saw new teammates fitting in. I saw brand new students EXCITED to be a Whitt Wolf. I saw thankful momma’s being shoo’d away because they could handle walking in on their own.

It’s been amazing.

One of our goals this year is to get back to basics, remembering that a best practice is a best practice for a reason. As an admin staff, we’re doing the same. Here are my goals for getting back to the basics! Hopefully sharing these will not only showcase again that transparency I strive for, but also help hold me accountable!

Walk-throughs but with feedback
- District goal of ten per teacher, my goal is one 15 min walk through a week, per 15 under my TTESS assignments
- 15 teachers x 15 mins = 225 min, less than 4 hours)
- Provide one additional 30 min convo of feedback and coaching per observation, 15 x 30 min= 7.5 hours (This could also be in with their planning time!)
- Total hours of my week devoted to teacher observation and feedback, 4 hours of observation + 7.5 hours of feedback and planning time (on what/how to coach!)= 11.5 hours
- Strategy to accomplish this? PUT THEM ON MY CALENDAR IN ADVANCE.

That’s 25% of my work week dedicated to teacher development and improvement. An investment, but a worthy one!

Investment in school culture: 5 happy notes per teacher, per semester
- Using pre-made happy note starters, I commit to sending each T a happy note 5 times a semester. I do plan on counting “whole staff” treats in this count, 🙂 b/c I like a good seasonal treatie treat!
- Strategy: my teacher template will help me track!!

I have everyone’s love languages hanging up in my office. (Chart paper lovers UNITE!!) I will meet these socio-emotional goals!

Using data to GROW students, not just as a way to have teachers complete one more form.
- I’m rereading “Leverage Leadership“, and it’s just SO powerful. The growth conversations it spurs within myself…yeeesh. I made three new anchor charts today for our PLC room, just based on the chapter I read last night. I’ve recommended it before, and will do it again! If you want to create systemic improvement in your school, this is a GREAT book to do it with! It’s heavy…but SO good!

Read and share the profesh greatness on IG. I still can’t handle book snaps. My buddy Matt Arend has denied me basic training, b/c it’s supposed to just be “that” easy. Sigh! So I give up and will simply take a picture. And share it. #oldschool

I’m wanting my list to be manageable and make an impact. What do you think?? What do your principal/admin goals look like??

Ambitiously,

Amber

Principal Pinterest pressure..it’s a thing!

August 12, 2017 by Amber 8 Comments

Have you heard the quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”?

I think that may have come out after the invention of Pinterest and/or social media.

Maybe its just me. Maybe I’m the one scrolls through the FB or the twitters and thinks man, I am so slacking. My outfits weren’t that fun. Each and every sentence outta my mouth isn’t Pictaquote quality. My staff development wasn’t that creative. My day left me in tears, and that chick has never cried a day in her life. (and what wrinkle cream does she use anyway?!?)

As if our educational world wasn’t tough enough, we have the constant exposure to all of the rockstars that we are surrounded by. The ones who obviously don’t sleep, the ones that have a bottomless budget, or the ones to whom everything just comes easier too. The pressure of the pinterest perfect principal…it’s a real thing!!

Don’t fall victim to the pressure, friends. There is always more to the story. I made a comment to a friend recently about how proud I was of her for data I had seen, 100% of her advanced students had scored advanced on our state test. She laughed, and said “Yea, I only had one advanced student though”. That sure wasn’t listed in the footnotes for the data on the screen! Please remember that you are only getting to see the highlight reel.

You’re seeing a snapshot of their day, and that is it.

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That aside, what YOU do is good enough. That where YOU are is where you are supposed to be. I guarantee YOUR staff is appreciative of what YOU do, and is thankful for YOUR efforts. Don’t compare. Let’s be satisfied with what we do, and how we do it. Let’s know that our reality is perfectly acceptable, in fact, our reality is awesome. We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail or feel like

If you can scroll and be inspired, excellent. Tweak and twist, and reinvent for your world. That’s awesome! See something of mine you like? PLEASE reach out and I will share it all with you! Education is not a zero sum game.

But if you find yourself constantly comparing, and worse, not measuring up?

The “unfollow” button is your friend. Use it.

Non-guilty-ly,

Amber

#11: Uh oh! How do you work with a combative parent? #askanadmin

August 4, 2017 by Amber 1 Comment

We’ve all got parents who are passionate for their students, who want to make sure that they are doing all that they can to ensure their students success. What happens when that passion comes across as combative? This is a situation every administrator has had come up in their career …also one you may have had as a parent. Either way, it can make or break a relationship if it doesn’t go well. Most parents don’t have the opportunity to have one on one face time with you as the principal, so this is definitely something you want to give though too.

To help dial this one in, we’ve got the greatness of Brad Gustafson, principal extraordinaire and author of “Renegade Leadership“. Brad’s kinda who I wanna be when I grow up, 🙂 Also adding her perspective is Dr. Rachel George, a fellow ASCD Emergent Leader and elementary principal.

Brad:

When I connect with parents who are upset, I try to really listen for what they are asking for and why. In my experience, parents oftentimes have a very clear idea of what they are looking for, and unfortunately schools are not always able to accommodate their exact requests. In these instances, I strive to offer a few different options that may be helpful instead of simply denying a specific request. I always try to couple this with sentiments that convey our sincere desire to partner and make things better for their child. Lastly, I tend to gravitate to the telephone as opposed to working through difficult issues via email. This not only helps preserve the relationship, but it enhances my ability to be responsive while also being more efficient.

Brad and Ben Gilpin also have a great podcast that recently aired that talks about just this topic, “Practical Tips for Working with Challenging Parents”.
Check it out! (Shameless plug, I’m their guest for this topic!)

Rachael:

I used to get so nervous when a combative parent would call or come into the office. In fact, I remember closing the door to my office and practicing the conversation before I walked out to greet them in the foyer just to calm my nerves. As time progressed, my approach to working with combative parents has changed and so has my outlook on these interactions. Where I once hated these conversations, I now look forward to them and embrace the experience as it makes me a better leader and it helps me learn how I
can better serve my families and students. Through the years, I have found the following things to be helpful when working with combative parents.

Seek understanding:

Prior to meeting with parents that seem angry or upset about situations I do my best to seek background information as to the parent’s state of emotion. Through seeking information of staff members or probing questions to the parents themselves prior to meeting you can often find that their state of combativeness stems from issues that are of a personal nature to them and totally unrelated to the current situation. Or perhaps, it can often be that or they have a sense of things that have happened in the past regarding school based issues that they feel have been unresolved to their liking and they have piled up. This then renders them unable to deal with the current because they cannot get over the past.

Set ground rules if needed:

If the need to meet and work things out becomes paramount, then setting the stage for the meeting is important. There are some parents that you already know are going to come in and explode. Most all of the time I can handle that situation without preface but if another person is in the room, like a teacher, I set ground rules before we even get going. I explain that we are here because we all care about their student and/or whatever we are going to talk about. From there, I explain that during our meeting we will seek a complete understanding of what led to the impasse and will hear all sides so that we attack problems not people. This means that we are going to talk to each other respectfully with our tone and language. I ensure, so that it is clear to all involved in any discussion of this nature, that at any point the tone turns abusive or combative that we will stop the meeting and communicate at another time. Usually this public pronouncement sets the tone for the meeting. In seven years I have only had to stop three parents and adjourn the meeting.

Be intentional about body positioning and location:

Depending upon the parent and the content of the meeting, I am facilimanipulative about where I sit. My goal is to make all conversations, of any nature, be comfortable and personable. However, we all know that sometimes things aren’t conducive to that desire. Authoritative or personable, behind the desk or seated side by side positioning and proximity provide an appropriate relational boundary of expectations. If I need to enlist some authority on a situation, issue or relationship, I sit across from the parent at my desk. If I want to set the tone of meeting them halfway and that I am open and understanding with my opinion, I sit on the side of my desk near them. Those of course are extremes. The majority of the time I seek for a relational conversation and to speak from the heart regarding an emotional topic. That is when I sit next to them on their side of my desk. While some might give me a hard time about how much thought I put into where I sit, it does make a difference.

Actively listen, take notes, and clarify:

Regardless of where I sit, I always take notes and listen to the parent. I try not to talk until I have heard their entire story, perspective, or concern. I do this not to pacify them just to make them feel heard but so that I can clearly understand what they are conveying to me and so that I can make sure to ask clarifying questions if there is any confusion. Just like us, when we get really passionate or emotional, our conversations can go in circles and we can be unclear about how we would like it resolved. Through it all, I take notes. Not a crazy amount of notes but enough so that I capture the conversation and what I need to follow-up on.

Summarize and seek agreement of fact.

Always summarize the position of the parent as you have understood it at the conclusion of their argument. I know it sounds somewhat legalistic but it reassures them that you have listened and been attentive to their concern while it also ensures that you have an understanding of their perspective. This will also allow you to seek clarification and/or provide relevant facts, information or evidence that may be contrary to their points.

Apologize when necessary and don’t hold it back.

If we’ve screwed up I admit it and I’ve learned that an apology goes a long way. If we were in the wrong or could have done something better, I admit it. You aren’t helping anyone when you withhold an apology that is rightfully deserved. Often this acknowledgment is the first step in repairing the relationship and turning the conversation into how things can be fixed. Perhaps even more important though is apologizing even if there has no wrongdoing. Acknowledging and caring for someone’s displeasure and level of anxiety regardless of right or wrong can often lead to a strong alliance. Being humble and caring as to any and all circumstances can often lead to more positive relationships in the future.

Make sure to follow up.

One of the fastest ways to break down trust with your parents is to not follow through. During these meetings, usually something always comes out of it that requires follow-up such as seeking additional information about an incident, investigating further, having the counselor follow-up with the student or something else. If this isn’t done, the relationship with the parent will be gone. Therefore, I am very intentional about following up and following through with all agreements made in the meeting. I want parents to trust me and to trust my word. The only way to prove this is through my actions. The final thing that I always remind myself of is that the parents are coming from a place of care. They are in your office or on the phone because they care about their child and they want what they believe is best for them.

On a side note, the book” Thanks for the Feedback” has been a huge game changer in how I view conversations, interactions and general feedback. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it as it has shown me that everyone has some truth and insight that can help you improve.

Whoa!! Is that some great advice or WHAT??? I hope ya’ll are learning as much from this series as I am! We have just two more questions, and these last two are doozies!

Parent prepared,

Amber