Recently as I was scrolling through Facebook before bed, I came across a video shared by a friend. It had an inflammatory title, and was quite evidently, taken of a group of people committing a crime. It had been shared from a site I’d never heard of, but when I clicked on it to see exactly what kind of site it was, I was distracted by the hateful, hate-filled, hostile comments from the video. They were so disturbing that I immediately had to click off and away.
It unnerved me, but I clicked off FB and went back to watching the news.
As I laid there, the video began to gnaw at me. Why was it shared? What was the point? Why would you contribute to that kind of vitriolic message??
Worst of all…how could someone I am “friends” with so openly perpetuate that kind of message?
I couldn’t stand it. I went back to FB and left a comment…
“I’m disappointed to see this shared. The message and comments there are inherently hateful.”
Typically, I would have just ignored it. Maybe I would have unfollowed this friend and felt content in doing so. Even commenting is more than I would have done in the past. I felt like I should just stay out of situations I didn’t know how to articulately involve myself in…but this time, I just couldn’t.
The next day, when I checked to see if maybe, just maybe, this friend had embarrassingly apologized for the share, or deleted it. Much to my sadness, that wasn’t the case. It had been defended..and predictably, there were already heated comments left on the “share” as well.
I deleted the friend. Regardless of our past, of our history, or of whatever originated a connection worthy of facebook…I no longer want to be apathetic to situations where silence could equal acceptance.
It still feels insignificantly inadequate, to merely delete someone. But maybe it’s a starting point in openly drawing a line…and knowing that I need to, against even those I thought were friends.
I asked a couple of friends I trust to read over this…to ensure that the message I am intending to come across, does. One responded with the words, “Silence makes us all complicit.”
I don’t want to be silent any longer. Deleting was the first step, writing this was another.
Hitting post,
Amber
Beautifully written Amber! ????
Yes. Yes to this. Thank you.
As always, beautifully written.
Not knowing the content of the video, please allow me to ask a question that has been on my mind as I’ve also scrolled through Facebook and have seen less than desirable “stuff”. Is there danger in deleting “friends” who post things that you don’t agree with? In doing so, are we attempting to only surround ourselves with people whose views are similar to ours and if so, is that a good thing?
Hi Ben!! In 95% of situations, yes I’d agree with you… This was blatantly sharing & targeting racist sentiments. Comments using the word “noose” and “shoot them all” were shared and applauded.
If we like different sports teams or restaurants, or even regular ol’political candidates… we can agree to disagree, and have a relationship.In good conscience I just can’t remain psyudeo friends with someone who is ok with openly sharing that kind of message. If when I commented, they’d had a response that allowed for discourse…even that may have made me feel differently. A “shrug and an oh well, it’s what they get.” didn’t make me feel any better about their convictions. Hate is not ok.
Wow, how timely. I just finished reading The Hate You Give. The main character is encouraged to use her voice and don’t just stand by. Ii am inspired by the book and I truly hope i can speak up when the time presents itself. Our voices are the most powerful way we can make sure our opinions, viewpoints, and wishes are heard. I also thin it’s ok to unfriend someone whose views may be so polar opposite to you own. Stay strong.
Thanks for some great thoughts!
Dug this, Pal.
When we fail to speak up to the injustice around us, we really ARE complicit in what our communities and our country are becoming.
Teachers in particular avoid these situations because they make us feel uncomfortable.
It’s time to toughen up and speak out.
Bill