my version of transparent, collaborative leadership...with a Teamann twist

  • About
  • Speaking & Consulting
  • Books
  • Hear & See

#11: Uh oh! How do you work with a combative parent? #askanadmin

August 4, 2017 by Amber 1 Comment

We’ve all got parents who are passionate for their students, who want to make sure that they are doing all that they can to ensure their students success. What happens when that passion comes across as combative? This is a situation every administrator has had come up in their career …also one you may have had as a parent. Either way, it can make or break a relationship if it doesn’t go well. Most parents don’t have the opportunity to have one on one face time with you as the principal, so this is definitely something you want to give though too.

To help dial this one in, we’ve got the greatness of Brad Gustafson, principal extraordinaire and author of “Renegade Leadership“. Brad’s kinda who I wanna be when I grow up, šŸ™‚ Also adding her perspective is Dr. Rachel George, a fellow ASCD Emergent Leader and elementary principal.

 

Brad:

When I connect with parents who are upset, I try to really listen for what they are asking for and why. In my experience, parents oftentimes have a very clear idea of what they are looking for, and unfortunately schools are not always able to accommodate their exact requests. In these instances, I strive to offer a few different options that may be helpful instead of simply denying a specific request. I always try to couple this with sentiments that convey our sincere desire to partner and make things better for their child. Lastly, I tend to gravitate to the telephone as opposed to working through difficult issues via email. This not only helps preserve the relationship, but it enhances my ability to be responsive while also being more efficient.

Brad and Ben Gilpin also have a great podcast that recently aired that talks about just this topic, “Practical Tips for Working with Challenging Parents”.
Check it out! (Shameless plug, I’m their guest for this topic!)

 

 

Rachael:

I used to get so nervous when a combative parent would call or come into the office. In fact, I remember closing the door to my office and practicing the conversation before I walked out to greet them in the foyer just to calm my nerves. As time progressed, my approach to working with combative parents has changed and so has my outlook on these interactions. Where I once hated these conversations, I now look forward to them and embrace the experience as it makes me a better leader and it helps me learn how I
can better serve my families and students. Through the years, I have found the following things to be helpful when working with combative parents.

Seek understanding:

Prior to meeting with parents that seem angry or upset about situations I do my best to seek background information as to the parent’s state of emotion. Through seeking information of staff members or probing questions to the parents themselves prior to meeting you can often find that their state of combativeness stems from issues that are of a personal nature to them and totally unrelated to the current situation. Or perhaps, it can often be that or they have a sense of things that have happened in the past regarding school based issues that they feel have been unresolved to their liking and they have piled up. This then renders them unable to deal with the current because they cannot get over the past.

Set ground rules if needed:

If the need to meet and work things out becomes paramount, then setting the stage for the meeting is important. There are some parents that you already know are going to come in and explode. Most all of the time I can handle that situation without preface but if another person is in the room, like a teacher, I set ground rules before we even get going. I explain that we are here because we all care about their student and/or whatever we are going to talk about. From there, I explain that during our meeting we will seek a complete understanding of what led to the impasse and will hear all sides so that we attack problems not people. This means that we are going to talk to each other respectfully with our tone and language. I ensure, so that it is clear to all involved in any discussion of this nature, that at any point the tone turns abusive or combative that we will stop the meeting and communicate at another time. Usually this public pronouncement sets the tone for the meeting. In seven years I have only had to stop three parents and adjourn the meeting.

Be intentional about body positioning and location:

Depending upon the parent and the content of the meeting, I am facilimanipulative about where I sit. My goal is to make all conversations, of any nature, be comfortable and personable. However, we all know that sometimes things aren’t conducive to that desire. Authoritative or personable, behind the desk or seated side by side positioning and proximity provide an appropriate relational boundary of expectations. If I need to enlist some authority on a situation, issue or relationship, I sit across from the parent at my desk. If I want to set the tone of meeting them halfway and that I am open and understanding with my opinion, I sit on the side of my desk near them. Those of course are extremes. The majority of the time I seek for a relational conversation and to speak from the heart regarding an emotional topic. That is when I sit next to them on their side of my desk. While some might give me a hard time about how much thought I put into where I sit, it does make a difference.

Actively listen, take notes, and clarify:

Regardless of where I sit, I always take notes and listen to the parent. I try not to talk until I have heard their entire story, perspective, or concern. I do this not to pacify them just to make them feel heard but so that I can clearly understand what they are conveying to me and so that I can make sure to ask clarifying questions if there is any confusion. Just like us, when we get really passionate or emotional, our conversations can go in circles and we can be unclear about how we would like it resolved. Through it all, I take notes. Not a crazy amount of notes but enough so that I capture the conversation and what I need to follow-up on.

Summarize and seek agreement of fact.

Always summarize the position of the parent as you have understood it at the conclusion of their argument. I know it sounds somewhat legalistic but it reassures them that you have listened and been attentive to their concern while it also ensures that you have an understanding of their perspective. This will also allow you to seek clarification and/or provide relevant facts, information or evidence that may be contrary to their points.

Apologize when necessary and don’t hold it back.

If we’ve screwed up I admit it and I’ve learned that an apology goes a long way. If we were in the wrong or could have done something better, I admit it. You aren’t helping anyone when you withhold an apology that is rightfully deserved. Often this acknowledgment is the first step in repairing the relationship and turning the conversation into how things can be fixed. Perhaps even more important though is apologizing even if there has no wrongdoing. Acknowledging and caring for someone’s displeasure and level of anxiety regardless of right or wrong can often lead to a strong alliance. Being humble and caring as to any and all circumstances can often lead to more positive relationships in the future.

Make sure to follow up.

One of the fastest ways to break down trust with your parents is to not follow through. During these meetings, usually something always comes out of it that requires follow-up such as seeking additional information about an incident, investigating further, having the counselor follow-up with the student or something else. If this isn’t done, the relationship with the parent will be gone. Therefore, I am very intentional about following up and following through with all agreements made in the meeting. I want parents to trust me and to trust my word. The only way to prove this is through my actions. The final thing that I always remind myself of is that the parents are coming from a place of care. They are in your office or on the phone because they care about their child and they want what they believe is best for them.

On a side note, the book” Thanks for the Feedback” has been a huge game changer in how I view conversations, interactions and general feedback. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it as it has shown me that everyone has some truth and insight that can help you improve.

 

 

Whoa!! Is that some great advice or WHAT??? I hope ya’ll are learning as much from this series as I am! We have just two more questions, and these last two are doozies!

 

 

Parent prepared,

Amber

 

Missed my other posts in this series?

Q1: What is your go to strategy for team building?

Q2:Ā What is something you do EVERY year, without fail?

Q3:Ā What is something you wished you knew as a first year administrator?

Q4:Ā What has gotten easier through the years? Harder?

Q5:Ā Where do I even start to build a culture of innovation?

Q6:Ā How do I become the instructional leader?

Q7:Ā How does the leader model RISK TAKING?

Q8: What are you reading to GROW as a leader?

Q9: How do you know who to hire?

Q10: As the leader, what are you MOST proud of at your school?Ā 

Filed Under: Ask an Admin, Leadership, Principal Tagged With: #beintentional #classroom, AmberTeamann

Holiday season…keep your head above water with these 3 tips! (And a give away!)

November 30, 2016 by Amber 10 Comments

Have you ever felt like things were moving too fast? Like things weren’t getting your full attention? Like you were overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start?

Three ā€œstrategiesā€ I’ve employed this year to help me ā€œmanageā€ the workload have made a difference in keeping up with my whirlwind of a world.

The first mental saver has been placedĀ email efficacy. My email in box is my todo list. If I have 30 emails in there, that means there are 30 items that require some kind of action, which will stress me out completely. I’ve doubled the amount of folders I have, because I am now sorting them into clearly named folders, as soon as I read them. It makes it so much easier for me to find things if I’ve filed them appropriately. I’ve added sub folders to help! As an example, within my 4th grade folder, I’ve got a field trip folder & a parent contact folder. No more ā€œmissingā€ or ā€œwhere I’d put thatā€ searching! Ā I’ve also started marking items that require a follow up within my inbox. Things I may have sent out but need to make sure we’re taken care of, I change to a different color using the ā€œcategoriesā€ feature within our email system. At a glance, my inbox is kept current and color coded so I can immediately evaluate what needs to be done.

The second mental saver is theĀ Erin Condren planner to my plate. Rather than try to articulate the greatness that is this planner, just watch this.

While it may seem contradictory to ā€œaddā€ something to help me simplify, this planner has made a huge difference. Our campus calendar can get so crammed, sometimes with activities that don’t involve me, so I needed a place where my responsibilities were clear & detailed. Even the items that did require effort on my part on the campus calendar didn’t have ā€œallā€ the details I needed. This planner solved that problem. Want one of your very own? This link will get ya $10 bucks off! Merry Christmas to you! You can also sign up for her newsletter right now and get an additional 10% off! #everylittlebit

 

post itsLast but not least, prioritize a to-do list. I keep a stack of the longer lined post it pads on my desk at all times. As I’m asked to do something or have a project in place, I add it to a list I have going. Task completed? Cross it off. Decide there are multiple steps/tasks to a project? Create a new page. One of my mental stressors is that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I have something that needs to be completed. Writing it down, identifying what needs to be done to get it completed, and keeping track of my progress takes the stress level way down. When my list gets ragged, I transfer it over to a fresh new page and seriously, it takes away my feelings of things being unmanageable.

These stick on my desk next to my keyboard but I can always stick them on a notebook/binder if I am heading into a meeting. It keeps it visible, helps me keep it current, and gives me that oh so goo feeling I get when i get to cross it off! šŸ™‚ It’s the simple things people!

 

Education is hard enough these days. Not letting our organization get out of control is an easy way to regroup, refocus, and recommit.

What strategies help you stay focused?

Comment below and enter to win your very own multi packĀ of post its pads courtesy of Office Depot!

 

Give away giveN,

Amber

 

Filed Under: Freebies, Organization, Principal Tagged With: #beintentional #classroom, #communication, #free, AmberTeamann, freebie

Leadership lessons from “Let it go”: not just a Disney song!

January 16, 2014 by Amber 6 Comments

If you haven’t seen the movie “Frozen” yet, I highly recommend it. While I did see it with my girls originally, I absolutely saw it again with a grown up friend…it’s that good! One of the main characters is Elsa, who is voiced by Idina Menzel. She has an icy curse and at a climatic point in the movie, comes to terms with her powers and sings “Let it Go”. Several of the lyrics jumped out at me as “leadership lessons”…what do you think?

“A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the Queen”

Being in a leadership position can feel lonely, like you’re on an “Admin Island” sometimes. This is why a PLN is so important to have. There should be people that you can share, grow, and learn from. Networking in any form is important, whether it be within your building or across the world. The smartest person in the room, IS the room, remember? That and any good leadership course will remind you that many voices can make good choices, that’s where the whole site based decision-making committee comes in.

“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, Be the good girl you always have to be, Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know, Well now they know”

I am firm believer in transparent leadership.

frozen_elsa-wideBeing open and available, and most importantly, being real with your staff is an important trait.Ā Being transparent is a powerful thing, if you can trust yourself and be trusted by others. I think the reason some leaders are not transparent is because they believe they will be viewed as less authoritative; that the “title” they worked so hard to attain will lose its power, leverage and authority. People want to relate to their leaders. People want to know that their leaders have experienced the same problems and/or how they have overcome personal hardships. If relationships are at the core of success in education, it starts with transparency.

 

“I don’t care, What they’re going to say, Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway”

As a leader, you will often have to make tough decisions. This is one of the biggest challenges of leadership. Some can handle it; others can’t. Regardless, it will define your leadership. You will be judged by others largely on the basis of how well you do under pressure. You will make mistakes, it is inevitable. That being said, what you do after those mistakes is what will define your leadership ability. George Bush’s approval rating was above 90% following 9/11. It had plummeted to 30% by the time he left office. He is noted for “not caring”. Ā Chasing popularity, he stated, is like chasing a vapor. It is here today and gone tomorrow. Instead, you have to make decisions based on principle and let the chips fall where they may. If you are doing what’s right for KIDS then you can feel good about the decisions you make, even if they are tough. I had a friend who texted me recently that he was writing his first “non-renewal” letter as an administrator, and that it wasn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be. Tough decisions, even when right, don’t always feel good.

“It’s funny how some distance, Makes everything seem small, And the fears that once controlled me, Can’t get to me at all”

Effective leaders initiate and innovate. They have the courage to make decisions, and their actions lead people toward the pursued objective. As former first lady Rosalynn Carter once said, “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be.” Just like the lessons you learned your first year teaching, with each year of administration under your belt, you’ll learn a bit more. With luck, with each minor obstacle you face, you will grow and stretch. I’m a big fan of journaling and take copious notes with each situation I’ve encountered. Bluntly identifying what went right, what went wrong, and in hindsight, how it should have been handled is both therapeutic and eye-opening. I’ve done this since I was in elementary school…but back then it was about what I wanted to see in my classroom. Since then, it has evolved into leadership lessons but it’s something I reference often. Particularly at the beginning of the year, I reread the trials and triumphs of the previous years to help make sure things flow more smoothly than before.

I genuinely think I could apply almost every line of this song to an administrative principle. It’s an empowering song, I challenge you to listen to it with a leadership lens and see if you can see it too.

Icily,

Amber

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, teacher leader Tagged With: #admin, #beintentional #classroom, #cpchat, #vision

Short on Time? an ASCD arias

November 2, 2013 by Amber 1 Comment

UntitledWhile preparing for my upcoming edWeb.net webinar, (which is free and open for registration!)Ā “Become a PD Pro! Best Practices for Administrators” I decided to tackle a couple of books in my ever growing stack of Ā “must reads” I came across William Sterrett’s “Short on Time” and thought it seemed applicable. These new publications are GENIUS. (Now, I’ve only read this one, but I am hooked!) Why?

These Arias are billed as “providing concise answers to challenging questions that you need solved today”. I read it during one setting, just 40 pages, but it was chock full of information and the research to back up what it was offering. It wasn’t overrun with references and heavy facts, but VERY practical. It also referenced Lyn Hilt and Dwight Carter. There are some powerful tips from those two heavy hitters.

The book discussed time management, tackling your calendar, staff meetings, and communication. Each hot topic was explained, evaluated and then provided Ā a couple of excellent “management” tips. My favorite? When Mr. Sterritt discusses teacher growth he quotes Maya Angelou, ” I’ve learned that you can’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands, you need to be able to throw something back.”. We we have to be willing to catch (identify areas where we need to grow) and throw (share our strengths) with colleagues. As an administrator, I have to model this as well as build time for my teachers to be able to DO it.

I like this kinda book reading!

 

always short on time,

Amber

 

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, Reading, Staff Development Tagged With: #admin, #beintentional #classroom, #cpchat

How using Dropbox changed my life!

October 14, 2013 by Amber 2 Comments

I know that sounds a lil’extreme, but seriously, it did.

 

Dropbox is a storing/sharing place in the cloud that allows you to keep up with all of your files,where ever you are, even across platforms. I love this blurb I came across:

“This program acts as a ā€œmagic pocketā€ which is always with you and contains whatever you place in it. Put a file into your Dropbox and it’s on all of your computers and mobile devices.”

Who doesn’t want a magic pocket? Ā The genius of this for me is that I use a number of different devices for a number of different things. I take pictures on my phone, I take notes on Ā my iPad, I do appraisals on my Mac, and then will write a blog post on my home PC that needs ALL of those things. Having a place that I can easily access ALL of my “stuff” is crucial for the efficacy of what I do throughout the day.

How to get started/going?

  1. Step one: Go toĀ DropboxĀ and set up an account. I just use the free one because with as many times as I downloaded it, I got a couple free GB just for multiple downloads. Next, download and install the Dropbox app. Put files and folders that you need to access from various locations and devices into your new Dropbox folder. Then repeat these steps on your other Mac, Ā PCs, and iOS devices. Ā (Again for me, that was two ipads, a phone, two PC’s, and my macbook.
  2. The account that you create Ā automatically includes a Dropbox folder Ā and it shares files with any other devices that have Dropbox and are connected to your account. (PS: you don’t HAVE to download it, but it does make life easier. Anytime I’m working with a file I know I’m going to need later, I just toggle and save in my “Dropbox” folder so I can get to it later.
  3. dropbox1
  4. Now, anytime, you go to SAVE something, you have the ability to add it to your Dropbox. Easy peasy, I tell ya!
  5. Many of us store the files and folders for active projects on the desktop. Put them in Dropbox instead. On your phone and take a pic? Click the + sign on your app and choose what pics you want to add to your Dropbox. It will then be available from any of your devices. Working online? Fabulous!Ā The “files” tab on the website will bring you to your Dropbox folder. This folder is exactly the same as the folder on your devices; any files that you’ve placed into your folder on your computers are accessible through this part of the web site.
  6. Want to share files? BIG Files that you couldn’t send via email without crashing the world wide web? Presentations for parents? Set up separate folders in Dropbox’s Public folder for different people, and then send the separate URLs to each. Or set up a different shared folder for each project, and then distribute that URL to all project participants.
  7. Want to share Ā amazing classroom pictures, but not make them “public public”? Copy photos to Dropbox, and share the URL with family and friends. (I’m going to use this for our family involvement activity next month!)
  8. Feeling adventuresome? 62 things you can do with Dropbox suggests this:Ā Go to the Send to Dropbox Website (sendtodropbox.com), click on Connect To Dropbox, and provide your Dropbox credentials. You can now email files to Dropbox. That makes all sorts of scenarios possible. For example, create a document in Google Docs and then opt to share it. In the Share drop-down menu, select Email As Attachment and provide your Send to Dropbox email address; the Google Doc will appear in Dropbox’s Attachments folder.” (WHOA BABY!)

 

It’s a very intuitive tool to use and following through some of the getting started tasks easily explains it as well as earns you more “free” space, šŸ™‚ Nothing to lose there!

More Dropbox links to help ya out:

Dropbox for Teachers

Using Dropbox

Everybody loves a good LiveBinder, šŸ˜‰

 

File saveN,

AmDrop

 

Filed Under: Classroom Integration, Data, Dropbox, Staff Development, teacher leader, Uncategorized Tagged With: #admin, #beintentional #classroom, #classroom, #cpchat, #students, #teachers, freebie, technology

  • 1
  • 2
  • Next Page »

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe and I'll send you my social media and leadership starter kit as a thank you!

  • Email
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Categories

Looking for something?

Featured Posts

Calm in the Change Chaos

Change is a constant in any organization, and this is especially true in the world of education. One significant change … [Read More...]

#CISDreads…a book study bingo!

I love a good book study. I like learning, I like learning with others...but I also know I am guilty of adding too much … [Read More...]

Archives

Topics

#admin #appreciation #apps #ASCD #ascd13 #ascd15 #beintentional #beintentional #classroom #buckets #classroom #communication #cpchat #cpchat #txed #admin #edcampDallas #edchat #eduin30 #feedback #free #iste13 #ladership #LEADERSHIP #math #parents #pbl #qrcodes #relationships #remind101 #staffdevelopment #stations #students #taketwo #teachers #thefirstyear #tichat #twitter #txed #vision #WMST AmberTeamann amber teamann digital citizenship freebie Reading social media technology

© 2023 · Technically Yours Teamann · Design by Albemarle PR