It can be jarring when your work is criticized but, before you head straight to the socials to lament or begin drafting your resignation letter, let’s think about how you can reframe the advice feedback to think of it as a gift…an opportunity to get better. Your instinctive reaction may be like mine…as an enneagram 3, my entire identity gets all tangled in my ability to be successful. It’s hard to switch that to pausing and recognizing that someone taking the time to give me constructive criticism is giving me a chance to get better at my job.
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Embrace the Growth Mindset
- Adopting a growth mindset is crucial when receiving feedback or advice. Understand that professional advice is meant to help you grow and improve PROFESSIONALLY, rather than criticize your abilities or who you are as a person. Embrace the idea that every setback or critique is an opportunity for learning and development. By viewing advice as a stepping stone to progress, you can shift your perspective and from automatically taking it personally. As a principal, I had to remind myself that feedback from teachers, parents, or district leaders was intended to support the growth and success of our school community. It 100% takes practice to approach advice with an open mind, recognizing that it offers opportunities to improve, especially when you feel like you’re doing the best you can. (Read more about that tragic first year of mine.)
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Separate Your Identity from Your Work
- It’s difficult to work as many hours as we do, as many days as we do, through the HARD things that we do…and not take advice personally. Remember that your work does not define who you are as a person. You are beautifully and wonderfully made! Your value lies in your unique skills, qualities, and experiences, which go beyond any specific project, task, or title. By creating a clear distinction between yourself and your work, you can detach emotionally and objectively evaluate the advice given. You’re not singularly seen as a teacher, principal, or ahem, an Executive Director of Technology.
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Seek Multiple Perspectives
- When receiving professional advice, it’s important to remember that it represents just one perspective. Seek out multiple viewpoints and opinions to gain a broader understanding of the situation. This helps you recognize that advice is subjective and based on individual experiences and expertise. By diversifying the sources of advice, you can prevent taking any single opinion too personally. I am also lucky enough to have really great, smart friends. Ones I have no problem calling for perspectives and to help me process feedback in a productive way…
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Focus on the Intent
- Instead of dwelling on how advice is delivered or interpreting it as a personal attack, shift your focus to the underlying intent. Assume positive intent. Ask yourself if words are hurtful or are you telling yourself a story about those words? Most professionals genuinely want to help and see you succeed. Consider the expertise and experience they bring to the table, and view their advice as a valuable contribution to your growth. Separate thinking that they may not “like” you and see what the advice feels like then. Could you hear that from someone you trust and handle it well? By focusing on the positive intentions behind the advice, you can reframe your perspective. Ask for specific examples that illustrate their criticism which can help you identify the root cause of the feedback – for example, being flustered in meetings might spring from not preparing for meetings effectively, an error-filled report might need careful proofreading in the future, and so on.
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Reflect and Respond Constructively
- After receiving feedback that may be hard to hear, take time to reflect on it before responding. The best criticism attacks the problem and not the person. Objectively analyze the advice and see if it matches your campus mission and goals. Does it align with the leader you want to be? Respond constructively by seeking clarifications or collaborating to find optimal solutions. Avoid knee-jerk reactions driven by emotions. Analyze the advice objectively and identify any potential areas for improvement or alignment with your goals. Instead of defending your work or becoming defensive, respond constructively by asking clarifying questions or seeking additional insights. (My favorite feedback sentences are “Help me understand… & Tell me more about…”) This approach demonstrates your willingness to learn and shows that you value the advice without internalizing it personally. (easier typed than applied, promise!)
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Cultivate Emotional Resilience:
- Building emotional resilience is crucial in not taking professional advice personally. Develop techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to manage and regulate your emotions. By becoming more self-aware, you can recognize when you are starting to take advice personally and consciously choose to respond in a more balanced and composed manner. Emotional resilience helps you navigate challenging situations with grace and maintain a growth-oriented mindset. Deep breaths, conversations with those I trust…that first year when I got the survey results back and it was filled with such hateful rhetoric? I sent it to one of my best friends. As humiliating as it was, I needed her to summarize it. She then helped me see the three top things I could take to be better. I cried, absolutely, but I was also determined to be the best I could be for my people and that meant making a change.
It’s never easy to hear criticism, but imagine the alternative – ignorance isn’t the bliss it’s cracked up to be. As someone now over a department where relationships are “different” and one that is growing by leaps and bounds, I also want to ensure I keep all of the above in mind when I give feedback.
Want to read all about #thefirstyear? You can!
Just some thinks to think &
For me, it is to focus on the intent. I can send the feedback off as a return to sender if I detect less than altruistic motives easier that way. But primarily, it allows me to feel where I need to incorporate that feedback when I know the unconditional positive regard of the feedback source.