Ask an Admin

Q2: What is something you do EVERY year, without fail?

Q3: What is something you wished you knew as a first year administrator?

Q4: What has gotten easier through the years? Harder?

Q5: Where do I even start to build a culture of innovation?

Q10: As the leader, what are you MOST proud of at your school?

Q11: Uh oh! How do you work with a combative parent?

Q12: What if there is a conflict among my team?

#12: What if there is a conflict among my team? #askanadmin

August 11, 2017 by Amber 1 Comment

Drama, drama, drama…it happens to the best of us! What do you do when you have a conflict with your teams?

How about we let Katie Martin and Jeff Zoul answer this! Both have extensive experience in not only working with education peeps, but have led/managed groups of people, which inevitably? Could lead to conflict!

Katie:

When I was growing up my dad used to “lock” my best friend and I in the car when we were fighting. We later realized that we were not actually locked in but it was more of a place for us to work it out where he didn’t have to hear it. Kind of genius, actually. To this day we are still great friends and have always been able to work through our issues. This has probably influenced how I tend to handle conflict. My tendency is to confront issues head on to resolve them and move on.

When there is conflict on our staff, whether it is people coming to me with problems or tensions that I notice, I try to acknowledge them and work with individuals to move forward rather than sweep it under the rug. I always talk with individuals to first try and encourage them to work it out together. But when that doesn’t work, I bring them together to facilitate some “crucial conversations.” Recently, I had two team members that were equally passionate but they had very different work styles and ways of approaching the problem and weren’t listening to one another. Instead, they took offense every time that one person did something differently than they would have. We focused on these 3 strategies to improve communication and better work together:

Seek to Understand: Let’s be honest, when people are frustrated or there is conflict, most often it is because they feel misunderstood and/or undervalued. It is important to listen to one another, you don’t have to agree but we owe it to our colleagues to listen to them and ensure that people know they are heard and valued.

Identify strengths: You don’t have to like everyone, but as professionals we are better if we work together, not against one another. If we focus on what is right with people rather than what is wrong, we can usually find a way to appreciate others and work together. When individuals are aware of what they are good at and leverage their strengths to do their best work, everyone benefits. To collaborate with others, one first must understand themselves and their own strengths and work to understand and leverage the talents of the group to do their best work.

Find Common Goal– In education, our focus should always be on creating better opportunities and experiences for the learners we serve. With this as the common goal, we worked to figure out how to meet our shared goals. Conflict can be healthy and productive and is necessary to get better but it’s important to be tough on ideas, not on people.

Based on the steps above, we began by seeking to understand and found out that a lot of assumptions had been made about one another that had led to their challenging collaboration. Once each person understood where each was coming from, and felt valued, we discussed work preferences and one another’s strengths. At the end, they were both committed to doing great work and reaching their desired goal. Addressing the challenges and assumptions in the open allowed them to better communicate and they ended up being a very effective team once they figured out how to communicate and leverage each other’s strengths rather than take differences personally.

If that doesn’t work, try locking them in a car.

Jeff:

Anyone serving as a leader must, at times, deal with conflict among team members. All teams encounter conflicts at some point; in fact, I believe that high-performing teams engage in conflict every bit as much as weak teams. The difference lies not in the amount or intensity of conflict such disparate teams experience, the difference lies in the way such conflicts are addressed and resolved. Strong teams, with strong team leaders who embrace conflict as inevitable, view it as a way to grow stronger as a team and make decisions that are best for others in the organization the team serves. In our schools, the most important “others” to keep in mind during times of conflict are the students learning and growing in our schools.

When I am leading a team in conflict, I try to keep several things in mind. First, it is important to simply acknowledge the conflict and not pretend the conflict does not exist. Next, it is important to engage everyone involved in the conflict in conversation about the conflict, ensuring that all voices are heard without interrupting anyone who is speaking. As the leader of the team, it is best–at least initially–to do very little talking, instead focusing on active listening with perhaps follow-up questions of team members. We must establish expectations for the conflict resolution process and gain commitment to the process from all involved. Honestly, it is often the case that by simply taking the time to address the conflict openly and engaging affected members in a conversation about the conflict, the resolution almost takes care of itself, as team members gain a deeper understanding of their colleagues’’ perspectives. However, when team members still disagree about an issue, even after the issue is raised openly and discussed thoroughly, there must still be a resolution. Sometimes, the “resolution” can simply be that we agree to disagree privately but also agree to move forward publicly as a unified team, going in the direction of the team’s consensus.

The conflicts that arise among all teams are inevitable and wide-ranging in type and extent. No two conflicts are identical. Unfortunately, they can stem from emotions and personality differences. To resolve conflicts effectively, it is important, however, to take emotion and personality difference out of the equation and instead focus on how the conflict is impacting the team’s’ cohesiveness and productivity. Remind the affected parties of the team’s “Why?” Why do they exist as a team and what can they agree to collectively to turn the conflict into a positive–or at the very least, a neutral. In our schools, it is likely that the team exists–ultimately–to do what is best for kids and it is powerful to remind team members in times of conflict that we are here to serve our students.

How fortunate are we to learn from such greatness? Trying to balance all the emotions, all the times, can be such a struggle…I appreciate these perspectives SO much!

We have just ONE more questions in this series!

RefereeN,

Amber

Missed my other posts in this series?

Q2: What is something you do EVERY year, without fail?

Q3: What is something you wished you knew as a first year administrator?

Q4: What has gotten easier through the years? Harder?

Q5: Where do I even start to build a culture of innovation?

Q10: As the leader, what are you MOST proud of at your school?

Q11: Uh oh! How do you work with a combative parent?

#11: Uh oh! How do you work with a combative parent? #askanadmin

August 4, 2017 by Amber 1 Comment

We’ve all got parents who are passionate for their students, who want to make sure that they are doing all that they can to ensure their students success. What happens when that passion comes across as combative? This is a situation every administrator has had come up in their career …also one you may have had as a parent. Either way, it can make or break a relationship if it doesn’t go well. Most parents don’t have the opportunity to have one on one face time with you as the principal, so this is definitely something you want to give though too.

To help dial this one in, we’ve got the greatness of Brad Gustafson, principal extraordinaire and author of “Renegade Leadership“. Brad’s kinda who I wanna be when I grow up, 🙂 Also adding her perspective is Dr. Rachel George, a fellow ASCD Emergent Leader and elementary principal.

Brad:

When I connect with parents who are upset, I try to really listen for what they are asking for and why. In my experience, parents oftentimes have a very clear idea of what they are looking for, and unfortunately schools are not always able to accommodate their exact requests. In these instances, I strive to offer a few different options that may be helpful instead of simply denying a specific request. I always try to couple this with sentiments that convey our sincere desire to partner and make things better for their child. Lastly, I tend to gravitate to the telephone as opposed to working through difficult issues via email. This not only helps preserve the relationship, but it enhances my ability to be responsive while also being more efficient.

Brad and Ben Gilpin also have a great podcast that recently aired that talks about just this topic, “Practical Tips for Working with Challenging Parents”.
Check it out! (Shameless plug, I’m their guest for this topic!)

Rachael:

I used to get so nervous when a combative parent would call or come into the office. In fact, I remember closing the door to my office and practicing the conversation before I walked out to greet them in the foyer just to calm my nerves. As time progressed, my approach to working with combative parents has changed and so has my outlook on these interactions. Where I once hated these conversations, I now look forward to them and embrace the experience as it makes me a better leader and it helps me learn how I
can better serve my families and students. Through the years, I have found the following things to be helpful when working with combative parents.

Seek understanding:

Prior to meeting with parents that seem angry or upset about situations I do my best to seek background information as to the parent’s state of emotion. Through seeking information of staff members or probing questions to the parents themselves prior to meeting you can often find that their state of combativeness stems from issues that are of a personal nature to them and totally unrelated to the current situation. Or perhaps, it can often be that or they have a sense of things that have happened in the past regarding school based issues that they feel have been unresolved to their liking and they have piled up. This then renders them unable to deal with the current because they cannot get over the past.

Set ground rules if needed:

If the need to meet and work things out becomes paramount, then setting the stage for the meeting is important. There are some parents that you already know are going to come in and explode. Most all of the time I can handle that situation without preface but if another person is in the room, like a teacher, I set ground rules before we even get going. I explain that we are here because we all care about their student and/or whatever we are going to talk about. From there, I explain that during our meeting we will seek a complete understanding of what led to the impasse and will hear all sides so that we attack problems not people. This means that we are going to talk to each other respectfully with our tone and language. I ensure, so that it is clear to all involved in any discussion of this nature, that at any point the tone turns abusive or combative that we will stop the meeting and communicate at another time. Usually this public pronouncement sets the tone for the meeting. In seven years I have only had to stop three parents and adjourn the meeting.

Be intentional about body positioning and location:

Depending upon the parent and the content of the meeting, I am facilimanipulative about where I sit. My goal is to make all conversations, of any nature, be comfortable and personable. However, we all know that sometimes things aren’t conducive to that desire. Authoritative or personable, behind the desk or seated side by side positioning and proximity provide an appropriate relational boundary of expectations. If I need to enlist some authority on a situation, issue or relationship, I sit across from the parent at my desk. If I want to set the tone of meeting them halfway and that I am open and understanding with my opinion, I sit on the side of my desk near them. Those of course are extremes. The majority of the time I seek for a relational conversation and to speak from the heart regarding an emotional topic. That is when I sit next to them on their side of my desk. While some might give me a hard time about how much thought I put into where I sit, it does make a difference.

Actively listen, take notes, and clarify:

Regardless of where I sit, I always take notes and listen to the parent. I try not to talk until I have heard their entire story, perspective, or concern. I do this not to pacify them just to make them feel heard but so that I can clearly understand what they are conveying to me and so that I can make sure to ask clarifying questions if there is any confusion. Just like us, when we get really passionate or emotional, our conversations can go in circles and we can be unclear about how we would like it resolved. Through it all, I take notes. Not a crazy amount of notes but enough so that I capture the conversation and what I need to follow-up on.

Summarize and seek agreement of fact.

Always summarize the position of the parent as you have understood it at the conclusion of their argument. I know it sounds somewhat legalistic but it reassures them that you have listened and been attentive to their concern while it also ensures that you have an understanding of their perspective. This will also allow you to seek clarification and/or provide relevant facts, information or evidence that may be contrary to their points.

Apologize when necessary and don’t hold it back.

If we’ve screwed up I admit it and I’ve learned that an apology goes a long way. If we were in the wrong or could have done something better, I admit it. You aren’t helping anyone when you withhold an apology that is rightfully deserved. Often this acknowledgment is the first step in repairing the relationship and turning the conversation into how things can be fixed. Perhaps even more important though is apologizing even if there has no wrongdoing. Acknowledging and caring for someone’s displeasure and level of anxiety regardless of right or wrong can often lead to a strong alliance. Being humble and caring as to any and all circumstances can often lead to more positive relationships in the future.

Make sure to follow up.

One of the fastest ways to break down trust with your parents is to not follow through. During these meetings, usually something always comes out of it that requires follow-up such as seeking additional information about an incident, investigating further, having the counselor follow-up with the student or something else. If this isn’t done, the relationship with the parent will be gone. Therefore, I am very intentional about following up and following through with all agreements made in the meeting. I want parents to trust me and to trust my word. The only way to prove this is through my actions. The final thing that I always remind myself of is that the parents are coming from a place of care. They are in your office or on the phone because they care about their child and they want what they believe is best for them.

On a side note, the book” Thanks for the Feedback” has been a huge game changer in how I view conversations, interactions and general feedback. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it as it has shown me that everyone has some truth and insight that can help you improve.

Whoa!! Is that some great advice or WHAT??? I hope ya’ll are learning as much from this series as I am! We have just two more questions, and these last two are doozies!

Parent prepared,

Amber

Missed my other posts in this series?

Q2: What is something you do EVERY year, without fail?

Q3: What is something you wished you knew as a first year administrator?

Q4: What has gotten easier through the years? Harder?

Q5: Where do I even start to build a culture of innovation?

Q10: As the leader, what are you MOST proud of at your school?

Q10: As the leader, what are you MOST proud of at your school? #askanadmin

August 1, 2017 by Amber Leave a Comment

One of the challenges in being an administrator is never allowing yourself to forget the passion you had for your building when you first got there. Do you remember how excited you were when finally, after wanting and feeling like you were ready, you were named administrator? It’s an incredible feeling. It’s easy in the hustle bustle of what we do to forget how incredibly important every decision you make is, and that you’ve made some good ones! What then, are you MOST proud of? What do you think about when you think of your impact on your campus?

This question stems from again, valuing perspectives of two principals I admire, for totally opposite reasons. Different parts of the country, different focuses within their world…plus that whole male female thing. Ha!

Matt Arend is from Plano, Texas, and has been there 6 years. Melinda Miller is from Springfield, Missouri and has served as principal for 15 years. Both are great at telling their schools stories, and I don’t think get to brag on THEIR contribution enough. Here’s hoping this question allows that to come through!

Matt:

Entering my seventh year as the principal of #SiglerNation there are many things that come to mind when you ask “What’s the thing you are MOST proud of as an administrator?”. Honestly, there are so many! As leaders we spend a lot of time talking about how we measure the success of our students and not defining their success based on the outcome of a single test and I believe that to be true when it comes to the work our teachers do as well. Our teachers are not defined solely on the scores their children produce. There is more to the story than that. Rather than celebrate the scores at the end of the year, I suggest we celebrate the effort our students and staff pour into learning. Yes, that’s right! Our teachers are learners too!

When you ask, “What I am most proud of?”, I think of the colossal effort our teachers put forth to ensure their students have what they need to learn and be successful. In fact, while I write this, I am reminded of the effort our teachers pour into their learning not only during the school year, but all year round. Who ever thinks teachers have summers off has another thing coming! Our teachers are writing curriculum, attending conferences, presenting at conferences, participating in online book studies, Twitter chats and hosting week long camps at school to expose students to learning outside of the “regular” school year. Teachers jump at the opportunity to teach summer school not just to make money, but rather to understand they will get to work alongside other teachers whom they typically do not get to work with, network and try new ideas before students return in August. I appreciate our teachers for meeting the challenges they face head on, not backing down and overcoming the obstacles to do what is in the best interest of our students. Yes, even during their summer!

I am so proud of our students and the gains they showcase socially, emotionally and academically. I am so proud of our parents who support their children the best ways they know how and work in tandem with our teachers to model the importance of teamwork and education. I am so proud of so many things, but I am MOST proud of the teachers who choose to make the commitment to grow themselves and grow #SiglerNation.

Melinda:

There are so many things I am proud of at Willard East Elementary! How can I possibly narrow it down to just ONE? I can’t. Here’s my list:

Families: Our school is blessed with very generous, awesome families. Every school leader needs support from the community and families. This support, or lack of support, can make or break a school. We are so fortunate to have families who are willing to help their kids at home and at school.

Students: Our students are excited to come to school! They are eager to be filled up by our amazing teachers. This year we are excited to bring Stephen Covey’s Leader in Me program to our school.

Staff: There are not enough words to celebrate the Willard East staff! Putting kids first comes naturally. Everyone is willing to try new things and take risks for student learning.

This will be my 15th year as the principal of Willard East Elementary. We are a family. It takes time. We spend more time with each other than we do with our own families. We spend more time with our students than they do with their own parents during the school year. We are a TEAM!

I am proud to be the principal of Willard East Elementary!

These two are rockstars. I’d encourage you to follow @SiglerStars on Twitter, and Melinda has an excellent YouTube channel worth checking out! I learn from them both regularly, and think you could too!

What are YOU most proud of???

Sharingly,

Amber

Missed my other posts in this series?

Q2: What is something you do EVERY year, without fail?

Q3: What is something you wished you knew as a first year administrator?

Q4: What has gotten easier through the years? Harder?

Q5: Where do I even start to build a culture of innovation?