my version of transparent, collaborative leadership...with a Teamann twist

Leadership Lessons from Lyrics: You’re on Your Own, Kid…no, really. You totally are.

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In the series “Leadership Lessons from Lyrics,” this is week three comparing Tswift lyrics and the ever-shifting world of educational leadership…or at least, in the ways I’ve experienced it.

Today’s lyric resonates personally, painfully, but also highlights the rewards of leading. These lyrics suggest a journey of self-discovery and resilience that are more relatable than you might think. The gem of greatness that is “You’re on Your Own, Kid” ends with the following:

‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burnedEverything you lose is a step you takeSo make the friendship braceletsTake the moment and taste itYou’ve got no reason to be afraid
You’re on your own, kidYeah, you can face thisYou’re on your own, kidYou always have been

Change is hard, even good change.

Pages turned, with bridges burned. I often marvel (spiral?) at how I spent almost 6 years with 75+ staff members…and almost all of them are people I will never talk to or see again. Isn’t that a crazy thought? When making a change, especially as dramatic of one as I did when I left in 2020, relationships naturally evolve. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the regular interactions we once held so tightly can trickle down to a stop, leading paths to diverge. This isn’t a reflection of failure or a reason for regret but a part of the natural ebb and flow of professional relationships. (Amber, reread that sentence as often as you need to.) As we grow and change, so do our connections with others. Recognizing and accepting these changes with grace is essential for personal growth but also allows us to cherish the times of close relationships and learn from each phase of our relationships. Those relationships are the pages turned.

Everything you lose is a step you take.

Every loss or shift away from the familiar is a step forward in our professional growth. From classroom to coach to assistant principal or whatever the next rung up the ladder might be…relationships change. I often say that as principal my jokes were always funny and my outfits were always cute. Your position, once you’ve started to advance, will always precede your person.

Sacrificing the ability to be off the cuff or to speak without thinking is one of the things you lose as you take those steps “up”. One of my favorite Todd Whitaker conversations was about transparent leadership, and how even if people think they want to know everything, there’s a reason they don’t.

The easy answers were answered before the questions made their way to your desk.

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So make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it.

Enjoy where you are, because someday you’ll look back and think…man, that went by fast. Leaders embrace building and nurturing relationships. Through the decades we do this, the bonds we create, the memories we make, with our campuses, our students, and their families, are the bright and shiny friendship bracelets we hold onto. Whether it be from a Facebook memory, or a framed picture that hangs on your wall, those “beads” serve as the memories of the special moments you’d had together. These connections are not just professional necessities but are the actual reason this hard work is so worth it. Reminders of the path we’ve taken to get there. Each time I reshare or click “Love” in appreciation of a memory shared, I mentally have to shake off the “Gosh, can’t she just move on?” guilt I mentally assign the action…but that’s just me, taking the moment.

You’ve got no reason to be afraid, you’re on your own, kid.

While educational leaders work closely with others, there are moments when even the most collaborative can feel isolated and alone. I wonder, though, if our lived experiences shape our perspectives in such a way that, fundamentally, we are always on our own as individuals. A coworker and I had this conversation this week about athletes and records being “broken”, and the caveat of the “yeah, but back in my day…” that usually follows that celebration.

We may all be doing the same jobs, but nobody else has done it just the way you’re doing it.

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I can’t relate to principals now, I haven’t led a campus dealing with the budget shortfalls or teacher shortage that’s happening right now. Every campus is different, has its history, and has its own “white fences”. Advice shared or given, ultimately, can be met with “but you don’t know my people.” Hopefully, these lyrics remind us that even when the journey feels solitary, our inner strength and capabilities are enough to meet these challenges. That’s why you are where you are…because YOU can handle it.

Leadership is not just about guiding others but also about continuously evolving as individuals. Each challenge we face, and each decision we make, shapes us into more capable and understanding leaders. Remember, every bridge burned and every page turned invites fresh opportunities to write our own stories. Be confident that while the journey may often be solo and feel even solo-er, it is uniquely yours—a tribute to your ability to adapt and thrive.

Keep moving forward friends, with courage, for in leadership like in life, we learn from the journey than we do the destination.

Humming along &

Leadership Lessons from Lyrics: Embracing the Anti-Hero Within

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This is week two of “Leadership Lessons from Lyrics…did you see last week’s post? Loved the comments on Facebook, X, and even on IG of how it resonated with all of my leader peeps. So glad it’s not just me who feels like brutal honesty is NOT how we want to give…or receive feedback!

This week the lesson that has popped up ALL week long is from “AntiHero”, by the TSwift.

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s meAt tea time, everybody agreesI’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirrorIt must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

I’ve been replaying these lyrics in my mind all week…and it baffles me that self-awareness isn’t a cornerstone of every leadership training program out there. Team members and leaders who can openly acknowledge their own shortcomings set the example for a culture of humility and ongoing learning among their teams and colleagues. It builds an environment where it’s okay to fess up to mistakes and learn from them. However, if you’re in a place where no one seems able to admit they’ve dropped the ball, it will impact the culture, eroding trust and fostering resentment. And when things hit the fan, that reluctance to own up could seriously hinder open, honest communication.

If the expectation is that leaders should step back from the spotlight in times of success but step up in challenging times, shouldn’t this principle be practiced consistently?

Is an unwillingness to accept fault based on a lack of confidence or fear of consequence?

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Being able to acknowledge that you don’t know everything and are willing to reset, regroup, and try again is crucial in education. Every situation and student (or staff member!) is different. They are coming to the table with different experiences and therefore, a different lens.

Just because you are in charge doesn’t mean you always get it right.

When a team member consistently refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, it can diminish both trust and respect. People tend to follow leaders who are honest and transparent about their shortcomings, as it makes them more relatable and trustworthy. By openly acknowledging mistakes, you’ll model a growth mindset and resilience. This behavior encourages others to admit and learn from their errors, fostering a culture where learning from failure is not just accepted but encouraged. It demonstrates that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process, not something to be ashamed of.

Acknowledging mistakes is the first step toward correcting them and preventing similar issues in the future…which your team needs to hear.

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The phrase “I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror” suggests that while you’ll take on other people’s issues, and be willing to tackle tough challenges with others, but aren’t so willing to do so when you are the one making the mistake. Growth as a leader means you have to be willing to check in with yourself as well. I know that ego plays a part in this, and am willing to acknowledge several times that it’s gotten me tangled up as well. I think transitioning from a position where I felt confident in what I was doing to a completely different “lane” of education has allowed me quite regularly to admit that I need help and support. Balancing that with the confidence of leadership feels awfully antihero.

It’s not just about steering the ship with a steady hand; it’s also about being brave enough to admit when we’ve hit rough waters because of our own doing. This journey of self-reflection and acknowledgment isn’t just for the brave or pop singer—it’s for every leader/team member aspiring to foster an environment of trust, risk-taking, and innovation.

Here’s to embracing our inner anti-heroes, learning from our missteps, and leading with a mix of confidence and humility. Can’t wait to see where next week’s lyrics will take us!

Staring at the mirror &

Swift Lessons in Leadership through Lyrics: The Fine Line Between Honesty and Cruelty”

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Listen. I fully appreciate the middle aged-ness of myself. Truly. However, this blog is about being TRANSPARENT as well, right? Not only am I a “seasoned” leader…I also might be have watched the “Eras” tour an OBNOXIOUS amount of times since it has come out.

It’s the perfect thing to have playing in the background while I cook, clean or… scroll. And if you know me, you know I’m not that great at cooking or cleaning. (I like to think it’s ok because at least I am cute and funny…but MT says I’m not that funny. Sigh.)

Anyhoo…I’ve noticed here lately that there are some powerful lyrics that keep getting stuck in my head from Ms. Swift. And the application from them to my leadership experiences just can’t be denied, even I wanted to pretend to not be all Swift’sessed. For those who associate her with pop sugar and bouncy are in for a treat.

First up…in “All Too Well”, we have this gem:

“And you call me up again just to break me like a promiseSo casually cruel in the name of being honestI’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here..”

Causally cruel. In the name of being honest.

We hear, frequently, that honesty and transparency in leadership is crucial. A necessary trait. Sometimes though, that honesty can be wielded like a sword. The person swinging that sword has the force field of being right, regardless of how deep it cuts.

Not seeing how it could apply?

I’ve written a lot about #thefirstyear, and all the things as a principal I’d gotten wrong and the adjustments I made thanks to the team around me. How though, did I know, how tragically terrible it was going?

I was on my way out to a meeting when I was pulled aside by members of my “team”.  They asked me to sit in one of their offices, while the two of them broke the news. They had finally been compelled “in the name of being honest” to share information I needed to know.

The staff was unhappy. They were looking to leave. The scores and culture on the campus I’d been honored enough to be asked to lead was falling apart, because of me. Because of my leadership.

I was devastated.

But I was also confused. I managed to maintain composure and ask. Who? Who wanted to leave? What? What exactly had I done?

Well…they couldn’t tell me that. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

I vividly remember asking, “So what I am hearing is that I am a terrible principal…but you have nothing to offer in how I can get better? Or to change what I am doing?” They didn’t.

I can’t even articulate how devastating it is to not only hear that you’re a failure, but also that there wasn’t anything you could do about it. From people you thought were also on your “team”.

It was a pivotal moment in my principal’ing experience. If you’ve read this from ASCD, you know it didn’t get better right away. But, it did get better. It actually got a lot better before I left 6 years later.

I never forgot, however, how cutting that conversation was, even in all its rightness.

Telling someone they are terrible doesn’t help them get any better.

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What is the goal in “brutal honesty”? Does it set the receiver up to improve? Isn’t that the purpose of feedback? Surely it’s not just for the satisfaction of the person giving it?

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I used to tell my staff to always remember when talking to parents about a concern to always remember that the student you are so worked up over, for whatever reason, is most likely the most important thing in someone else’s world. If you go guns in blazing, no matter how right you are, you aren’t going to be heard.

You can be right all day long and lose every relationship you have.

So today’s lesson is this…worry less about being so honest, and care more about the relationship. YOu can, believe it or not, do both.

Swift singing &

Embracing Humility: Learning from Unexpected Sources

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When I talk about this space and what I share, I am always quick to mention that it is primarily a place where I share what I got wrong and my reflections on the experience in hopes that others could learn from it.

I’ve even blogged about my lack of experience in new professional settings…especially that first year, all the things I got wrong…or this gem from 2017 (lil’baby leader Amber!)

I was reminded this past week, even in all my glorious middle ageness that I STILL have so much to learn and how open I need to be to the possibility of just being…wrong. I had the opportunity to be the opening keynote for an Opal EdTech/EduAcademic event that was held in Orlando. Orlando…where I can get a DOLE WHIP? In.

Orlando is also where one George Couros lives. George often refers to himself as my big brother in this edtech/leadership space. 13 years ago we connected and it has been years of banter, fights, and political punches. I adore his family and he has been a huge cheerleader for my beast in her early education endeavors.

George is also the person (other than MT) whose feedback I am most sensitive/resistant to. I, of course, blame him because of his directness and lack of empathy when delivering any of his hot sports opinions on what I’ve shared or written.

So when he asked if he could come to hear me speak, I immediately said no.

I was ADAMANT that any feedback he was going to give me would be hypercritical and it would make me so self-conscious…why would I want to invite that panic into my head? George speaks to massive audiences ALL the time, literally, weekly…I do it 4-5 times a year. I didn’t want to hear how…not George…+ I was. Of course, I caved, and “allowed” him to come.
Thankfully, the evening went well and I didn’t fall down. 🙂

Ya’ll. His feedback was sincere, purposeful, and beneficial. The suggestions he provided, which were about what I could have further emphasized or made more impactful, proved to be incredibly helpful. The way he recommended connecting with the audience at the end will genuinely change how I close moving forward.

All that to say…man, was I wrong…AGAIN.

(which is just so annoying! That makes George right…again.)

What is the resistance to being better? How big is my ego that I can’t accept hearing what could potentially be true and helpful, just b/c I am scared of it being critical? How often do I miss an opportunity to be better… just because?

Why do I resist having confidence not in my knowledge, but in my ability to learn? 

One of my purposes in education is to help others be more than they think they already are, and sometimes that means DIRECT FEEDBACK. And yet…am I willing? Do I come across as willing?

Such the hypocrite I can be…

George wrote a fantastic blog about the ability to soak up the greatness of those around you. Give it a read. Don’t be like me, be open to hearing how you could be better …even if it’s not delivered in a pretty complimentary package with a bow. 😉

I hope you have people in your life who challenge you, not for the sake of them being right, but for the sake of making you better. And may you always be willing to let them.

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Begrudgingly better &

Amber

Videos to support leadership learning…and why you shouldn’t stop!

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Hiya stranger friends!

I’m working to build a repository of “leadership” supports for my team that meets all the varied modalities of learning that they may have. I love to read but maybe a podcast floats their boat…or maybe they want a one-pager to reference in moments of “uh oh”. Whatever it is, I’m starting with videos. Whether you’re a new principal, a seasoned district administrator, or somewhere in between, there are always lessons to absorb!

Authentic leaders never stop growing.

For those starting as campus leaders, Yale’s “Connected Leadership” offers research on aligning your actions with your values. As an administrator, it’s crucial to embody the traits you aim to instill in students and staff. I’ve found that leading by example and practicing what I preach as an educator builds trust and buy-in across the school community. You can also register for a FREE course from IUBM on “Developing Interpersonal Skills” if you want to hang up a gold star once you ace it, 😉

Every one of us has those inner critics who ask for more, better, and always!

For my middle-of-the-pack people, Brené Brown’s “Daring Leadership” is a must-watch. With her signature blend of research and storytelling, Brown advocates for a paradigm shift from armored to daring leadership. Leadership is not about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of people. Her talk is a great reminder to stay grounded in authenticity and vulnerability even as our responsibilities grow. Want that gold star? You can pick up concrete engagement strategies from the University of Michigan’s “Leading People and Teams short course. Their segments on thoughtful feedback models have strengthened my ability to motivate faculty and tease out opportunities for talent development. Practicing active listening, asking coaching questions, and setting clear expectations with those around me have led to increased collaboration and job satisfaction. (on both our parts!)

It’s YOUR job to develop psychologically safe spaces for a foundation of efficient teamwork.

Finally, all the ones who have been doing this thing we call leadership for longer than we thought we ever could, the Open University’s talk on “Leadership: External Context and Culture” provides some hard-won wisdom. Having navigated major organizational changes, the speakers share how to drive complex initiatives by understanding your unique institutional history and landscape. Their advice has me reflecting on how to better frame change narratives (both within and without out of our control!) to unify stakeholders in our district. John Maxwell’s video “The 5 Levels of Leadership.” is another great one. Maxwell draws on his decades of leadership consulting to outline his framework moving from Position, to Permission, to Production, to People Development, and finally to Pinnacle. Regardless of your years of experience, his seasoned insights will have you reflecting on ways to guide your team to the next level.

 

As we know, trying to lead in the challenging educational system hasn’t gotten any easier. We’re also smart enough to know it never will. There are no silver bullets, and if it were simple, everyone would do it. In any given moment we can decide how to perceive our reality. And depending on our choice and attitude, we are more or less likely to overcome challenges and be successful. When you feel overwhelmed, remember we all struggle to get it all done. Keep leaning on your teams, focus on your “why,” and lead with the heart that made ya want to do it in the first place… Our students and schools need us now more than ever!

 

Learning while leading &